Virtually devoted

It’s been a while since I paid a visit to the blog. Suffice it to say, it has been a while since I peeked into the corner of my own thoughts. If my last blog entry is any clue, the the reason for my absence is very much an interesting one-
My family and I have been blessed with another pair of little feet.

Words are not sufficient to describe the joy that the little one brings us. However my journey, getting here, was not entirely event less and I suppose a separate page needs to be dedicated to it.
After months of moderate amounts of inconvenience, we are here and I and baby are now in the process of enjoying the magic of new life and motherhood.

The smell, the little feet, the sleeplessness, the forgetfulness that follows the sleeplessness, the predawn coos, the smile are simple pleasures that I am beginning to cherish once again. Seeing my preschooler dote over the little one too is such a rewarding experience.

People would do anything, I have noticed, just to see the baby shoot us one of those magical smiles. Bizarre behavior takes hold of the some most collected people, when around a baby. I somehow feel there is a war brewing between my oldest and my mother. Both compete for the baby’s attention at the same time and I end up having to break up a fight most of the time. I suppose the sense of urgency to entertain with all their faculties, is because they know that the baby will go back to sleep any moment.The baby in turn obliges and we hear victory cries indicative of a smile.

While some of us have to work for it, others get it without an effort. The baby flashes clusters of smiles at my husband. All he has to do is just be there in the room and suddenly we see the baby beckoning for him and smiling at him like a starving lion who hallucinates about meat.

The few garbled sounds that she speaks is another treat we all get to enjoy. Everything the little one does feels like a new experience, even though we have been down this road before. I am, after a long time, finally beginning to enjoy all of it, now that things and routines are kind of falling into place. For a couple of months, my senses had been on vacation and being around me was the hardest thing- even for me.

Today as I sit typing this, I have been interrupted several times and yet somehow I welcome these interruptions.The Sun shines again, and I notice it.

All’s well with the world… all’s well with me and mine!

What is it about little fingers and little noses that make an adult melt?

The impending or desired arrival of a baby often is referred to in terms of little feet- ‘pitter patter of little feet’, ‘ Kunji kaal kanende?’ (Malayalam for ‘Isn’t it time we saw some little feet?’) There is something so whimsical about a baby or a little child. The little finger tips that are so tiny, the feet so cute that you want to eat them, the tiniest toes so pink and soft and the best of all, the look you get often that stares into your soul with the most pertinent question of the moment! I feel like the world stops when I get one of those looks. My personal favorite is the relentless giggle from any child 10 and younger. Often this is triggered by the most mundane things like a silly looking frog, or a peering adult, or worse a falling adult! However, it’s just a treat to be around when one of those happens. Another personal favorite is that baby smell- baby breath. OH….. Most moms and dads can agree with me on that.

On an average, a 4 year old behaves pretty much like a monkey. The preschooler can drive a relatively collected adult, tiringly insane, 20- 30% of our waking hours, nevertheless all hostility ends when we are hugged suddenly out of nowhere or when we see the tiny perpetrator dozing off on his story book and occasionally on his dinner plate. How about that diaper packed little package that crawls around the house speeding off playfully with the cutest screech?

We learn so much from this little person. I realize that this pleasure need not come from one of my own but from any child! It’s just so wonderful to be around them, to hear their take on the world, be it through coos, or broken words- it makes absolute sense. I have seen major transformations of people who were not exactly ‘kid – friendly’ change their minds and lives, once they actually start spending time with ‘these little people’.
What is it about their quips, their expectant looks, and the excitement at seeing the moon the first time or the 100th time that is so endearing to us? Why does everything just take a back seat when we stop to answer one of those very important questions or looks?

I guess it couldn’t be only love….

It’s Christmas time
Love and hope renews
Sadness and fear, take a back seat
Cautiously Joy spreads along the pews

That is the Magic of Christmas time

Humbly they answer the highest calling
Thus the story began in Bethlehem,
A weary Father, a tired young Mother
Cradle the Baby born to them.

That is the miracle of Christmas time

As the Baby lay among the animals
The heavenly announcement begins
“Fear not” angels sing to cowering shepherds,
Away in a manger is their King of kings

Oh! the wonder of Christmas time

Then there was the story
Of the Three wise men
Directed by the star, look for the messiah Child,
Found him in a manger and knelt before Him.

Feel the grace of Christmas time.

The kings, the shepherds and the humble
Came together that night so Holy
With gifts and hearts so open
Submissive to God’s requests prayerfully.

That is the hope of Christmas time

Just as that sacred night long long ago,
Today our hearts look heavenward as Christmas bells chime
Because the Prince of peace lives and will return
That is the message of Christmas time

It’s ‘Happy Birthday Dear Jesus’ Time

(pls do not copy or reproduce)

This is something I wrote last year,around this time. I was so tired and outraged by all that I saw around me for Christmas-
(pls do not copy or reproduce without permission)
———————————

The Reason for the season
Amidst presents is being forgotten

Halls in a bustle are decked from end to end
Fir trees are aglow with lights and ornaments

Santa and Rudolph are hailed and celebrated
While there’s a flurry in the malls for presents that will be wasted.

How sad it is, that peace and Love that came with Christmas is amiss.

You see, long time ago Jesus lay in a manger,
the Christmas Star In the sky aglow
Angels sang in celebration to the
Human race that was eager and deep in woe.

For the Prince of Peace and Son of God
the promised Messiah had finally come
to give his life for me and u
and life everlasting to everyone.

Shepherds and kings
And even the animals
Were all eager to catch a glimpse
of this little babe

He was so little, He was so frail, Yet had much to do
From a lowly manger, to a Cross on a mount
That was celebrated,
That’s what’s Christmas is all about

Just a reminder, my busy friends
Hope this Christmas is not just about a Tree and Presents !

Short Circuit

I think blue
By the time it comes out,
I’m asking for Green
I try on black,
But as I walk out
I’m hit by a smoke screen

I sprint towards the last Barbie
But by the time I get there
I’m sure my daughter
Would prefer the cuddly Bear.

I wander back to the Italian Soaps
Certain ’tis a gift with undeniable style
Determined I meander around curious ladies
But “What is that box in the Gourmet Aisle?”

Decorative boxes of Cake and Candy
Are good contenders now
But what do I then see?
A beautiful box of imported Tea!

Its over an hour
The Cart is empty
But I need to pick Something
Security cameras could be following me.

I now decide to pick up a hat
For my little one to wear at school
My eye catches a pair of thermals
My toddler could use a pair or two

I throw it into the shopping cart
Begining to feel good
I head back once again
To the aisle of Gourmet food

Biscottis or Cookies
What is a better choice?
Only if I was someone else
Someone more wise or organized!

I need to end this
I am fatigued
Shopping for anything
Is a pain indeed!

I finally reach home
And tiredly realise
I had gone on this crazy trip
Only to get a bag of rice !

Oi..

I really needed a jump start today; because the week has started and yet I feel like I am not ready to roll. The events of last week seem to taken a physical toll on me too. My caffeine shot doesn’t seem to be doing its job, so I looked desperately for something.

All of a sudden it came right to me in the form of a song. Well no, the song wasn’t in my head but came from my toddler. What is a better ‘pick-me-upper’ than the thoughts of a 4 yr old?

The song went like this “Khuh …khuh tomato, khuh… khuh leaf”.

This song made perfect sense to me right away. Let me explain why-

For the longest time I and my little one have been desperately trying to learn the alphabet phonetically. (I know most of u moms are shaking your heads because you know where this is headed)

This verbal tussle often leaves her exasperated because she still is trying to figure out how to connect the sound to the letter. I know in my head that it needs just an instant for the logic to set in, and yet to my dismay I often end up correcting her like I had to this morning with her “ khuh khuh tomato”( K for tomato). As I was doing just that, it took me back to one of the sweetest memories that cheered me up in no time.

A while back, when she first started showing signs of readiness, we decided to get refrigerator magnets to make the learning process more fun and enjoyable. We got her a bag of 72 magnets which had numbers and letters. Since she was following me everywhere, I realised that this bag of magnets was just what we needed. I figured it to be a fair exchange as I did not have to trip over her if she played in one corner with these and the added bonus of enjoying every bit of her 2 feet and some inches being close to me as I handled most of my work.

I even pictured msyelf brimming with pride at her discoveries, as I paid for the bag of magnets at the counter. She was so ecstatic, when we got home and opened the bag. The two were inseperable! She would patiently arrange all the 72 magnets onto the fridge door and then put them all back into her bag all the while singing her version- “aa, bhub, shee, Mun(1) thoo (2), tee(3)……elevnteen, photeeen” for hours on end.

She was just 2 then. I melted everytime at her rendition of ‘the song’ for a month or so and then decided to chime in, jumping at the opportuniy to teach without being a teacher.

When she said “Aaa” I would say
“Aa, Aa, Apple…bhuh bhuh book” so on and so forth.

After a few weeks of dirty looks and pleas from her to let her continue solo, I decided to back off and tone down the enthusiasm.
Then one evening in particular, I heard her saying

“A A..Appoh (Apple), Bhuh bhuh..Book.’ all by herself!

I was thrilled beyond words, went up to her and sat with her and said “Yes Baby thats it!
A for apple, B for book, C for cat…!”

She rummaged thru the bag and ploughed out the letter ‘H’, I said

“That’s H. H.. for Hat, H for Horsie”.

She then held up ‘T’ and now grinning with pride I went on
“ T for Teapot, T for Turtle, T fot Tummy… baby..See how that works?”

She then pulled C out from the bag again and this time said it with me

“C for Cat” and stuck it on the fridge.

[Yessss!! She gets it….I distinctly remember drifting away to a galley of an audience applauding and my little one thanking me and her father on stage..]
( Sigh) i know..i know… drama drama drama.

Anyways, after my applause and squeezes, she ran to her dad hugged him and came back to continue because, oh boy!, was the 2 yr old on a roll!

I waited breathlessly for her next one -
She yanked out ‘L’ and loudly proclaimed

“L for EL…UH..PHANT”

and stuck it on the fridge with her tiny little fingers and a sigh of accomplishment! She turned around to me for a reaction-

I was on the floor now laughing and had tears at the same time.

After collecting myself, I tried to correct her, but she wouldn’t have it. She would jump back at me saying

“NO EEEE….. L for Elephant!.”

Now how can one argue with that? Case Closed!

My jitter bug has come a long way since, and entertains us with her wit and wisdom like an average 4 yr old. She still enjoys her version of almost everything. I am in no hurry for her to grow up, so until she starts saying the pledge or the alphabet seamlessly,

“ Kuh khuh…. tomato” it is. (more…)

Am I a true friend if I confront and tell her what should be told
Or if I tell her “take your time honey, I’ll hold ”
Am I her true friend when I close my eyes ,
When what she treads on is thin ice?
Am I a true friend when all I can take is her smile
And let myself be beguiled?
My friend is my friend.
Truth be told
For fear of a heartbreak I can’t be bold.

This is the way it is
I’m sure they agree
They haven’t run away, or tried to break free,
My friend, my child and my husband
Are definitions of me .

I know it’s been a while, but I just realized that if I don’t write now, I might throw up from all that has been churning inside of me and sickening me. It’s Thanksgiving day 2008 and I can but take my eyes off of the news feeds pouring onto my screen from home -
“Bombay under siege”
“Massacre in Mumbai”
“Explosions rock Mumbai”

As painful and terrifying as it is, are we surprised, people? When I say ‘we’ I address my Indian brothers and sisters. My heart bleeds at the pictures and cries while another part of me is fuming at the sheer failure of trust in the system. I think we lost faith in it ages ago and have come to a point where we are comfortable enough to laugh about it. This was even more clear to me when I spoke to a good friend of mine who actually said “we have infiltrators who come and train in India or just come trained from elsewhere, But we are fine” – FINE??? FINE?

Thank God she was talking to me over the phone or else she would have a gotten an earful- I mean that literally too. But it occurred to me soon enough- isn’t that simply a voice of the majority of how Indians think? We are ‘fine’ as long as MY house is untouched even as my neighbour’s house may be mourning in so many ways.

Have we lost the all sense of community? Have we become so immune to all that goes on around us? Can we not cry or laugh with our neighbor anymore without squirming about the possibility of a return visit? Why are we still laughing out loud about the corruption among those who are supposed to protect us and not drag their dirty behinds out and do something about it? Why do we call a panel of veteran journalists, and politicians to offer their 2 cents worth on air while the curtain behind burns? Why is it that when we see pictures of injured children, we still can’t feel mortified enough to get out of that chair and do something? And why are we pandering to evil minds that are thirsty for one more destructive idea, through our movies?

And what may I ask are our leaders doing to protect our borders? How easily did a ‘well planned low tech’ attack cripple a nation that always knew this was a possibility! Or did we think that something like this was so easy that it probably wouldn’t have been carried out? To get a bit deeper and dirtier- Did they succumb to a morbid obsession of hoping to see something like this play out and thus have some part of their sick psyche get a rush for as long as this goes on like in a crime thriller?
Why is it that a terrorist can plan better than a government agency or a community? When a postmortem of the modus operandi is often done, people talk of sophistication of planning and efficiency of delivery etc.
But what I feel is that these sick minds use the simplest route that comes to mind. They seem to think like children who draw pictures of what they like. It’s as simple as the map a child draws for Santa to get to her tree at home, from the North Pole. We brush aside a lot of child like thinking, because it’s not jaded enough to be sophisticated or credited for. Passage is efficient and free often where guards are down or nonexistent. This is exactly what happens in our cities and borders.
Isn’t it shocking and outrageous when u hear of the sheer volume of people who were victimized by smaller weapons of destruction like grenades and Kalashnikovs and not faceless bombs etc? This time it is personal as the perpetrators would have seen the eyes of those whose life they snuffed out mercilessly. They came on a boat and simply docked on our shores and ravished our city. How much damage can some disturbed minds do? Why should we still be ok with the way things work?

Just like most of you feel, there is so much more to be addressed. But instead of holding a panel, I hope I can do something in the coming days to ease the pain of at least one person hurting back home. My thoughts and prayers are with all the Jawans and innocent people who are in the middle of this mess and to all of u who share my sorrow.

Jai Hind!

Just like the mood of that famous song from the Movie “Grease”, summer here in the US deserves much a blog space. The sounds of summer are so welcoming to me. I feel much more productive, livelier and more ladylike.

The dresses that finally make their way into the stores sends the message, we are ready to look and dress like women who enjoy life and are not preparing for boot camp in Alaska. Ah, the joys and colours of summer are such a joy. Ice cream gets a better rap, eating out often isn’t a crime( since we are out burning all those calories one way or another) and shopping is justified because walking around and trying on the perfect swimsuit at twelve different stores, counts as a good work out in my world!

The simple ability and need to open the balcony door brings such a high. After being cooped up all winter – which sometimes drags on till April, this simple act of inviting sun and fresh air is so liberating and cathartic. Once done with that task, the songs of the birds that have somehow learnt new numbers and made new friends are great starters for the day! The only drawback with having these flighty friends of mine sharing my summer space is what they enjoy doing the most – marking their territory and letting us know that how much they actually eat is very deceiving to the human eye. If I choose to stay home and enjoy the view from my balcony and not get into our car, I think I can enjoy their presence and sounds.

The free concerts in the town centers are a wonderful perk that comes with summer. It may be 100 degrees out, but the band still plays on and the folks have a smile on their faces while they listen and dance to the umpteenth time and version of a song, simply because its summer and you feel like you have a new lease on life! The movies out in theatres are catered to PG audiences and if I daresay, I still feel, I fall in the PG bracket. As we exit the movie halls, we get to hear a review of the movie from kids, and that usually is hilarious and priceless. The moviegoer gets a fresh and different perspective when his fellow audience is between the ages of 5 and 75!

Increasing gas prices have somehow educated and enriched summer life in our area. We see more legs than wheels on the streets now. Before gas prices made us hyperventilate at the pump, people in our community would bring their garbage on their cars. The distance was often just a few yards from their unit to the dumpster, but still they provided ample entertainment to those of us who watched. But with today’s gas prices, I am finally able to see the faces behind such ingenious talents. They now walk, with the realization that it is healthier for them and their wallets. I can almost hear something out there saying”Come out, come out wherever you are!” I miss the auto – garbage parade though. I am the sure that the trash bags miss their upper class treatment, as they were paraded and revered all the way to the dumpster, on the roof of cars, on top of the trunk and in some rare cases on the passenger seat!

Summer indeed is a lot of fun. It’s the time for new ventures, new opportunities and a time for catching up. I miss and long to catch up with my friends, since I know we can meet up and not worry about snow related no- shows.

The kids are out and about and we can binge on their expense, and secretly be a kid once again, when we enjoy the free chaperone privileges at some events. You enjoy the pool now, because you need to watch your busy little one in the water. You can eat ice cream, more than once a week, simply because it’s hot, the kids are screaming for it and summer demands so. There are new and sometimes weird flavors out almost every summer and there is ample time to go back in the same week and order your favorite again if you went wrong once. The words “Let’s go for some ice cream “gets me so excited and happy, sometimes more than my toddler. I am the first one out of the house and the last one in. I guess it’s all the magic of summer.

So go save our weakening economy, invest in a cone or a cup scheme for the summer and have a blast on the 4th of July! (No pun intended).

Enjoy!

Recently I happened to see an episode on ‘Seventh Heaven’ which got me thinking. That particular episode was dedicated to the issues in Darfur.
It had been a while since I had heard, if anything, about the situation there and was beginning to be convinced that, soon, Darfur would join the other countries that were being talked of only during the late night commercials, sponsored by Non Profit organizations. I then thought that I could read a little more on it and maybe write about it here. But to my surprise the very next morning I think I got my sign. I knew I had to address this when I read the headline on CNN.com. The very first headline read

“Rape a way of life for women in Darfur”!

Or something to that effect!

I realise that this kind of news has ceased shocking the reader, simply because we all know that in a crisis ridden land, anything like this was only bound to happen - it was only a matter of time. After reading the first few lines, I was even more saddened and actually felt rage, when I came across the ages and the reason for this barbarity. Girls as young as 4 are not spared and the reason – Ethnic Cleansing!

The situation is so grim that fathers fearing for their own lives abandon their children and spouses to be raped, just to protect their own lives. Grown men curb their natural desire to provide and to protect their own, for fear of getting caught in between. One can only imagine the plight of the victim. That again probably explains why men and fathers are driven to to make that sordid choice. HOw such a decision eventually weighs on them is only one’s guess.

On the other hand, we again have men who may be fathers, behaving like monsters. I wonder if ethnic cleansing is even on in their minds when they resort to such monstrosity.

Yet another dismal and expected repercussion of all this is the abandonment of innocent babies! Babies, who are born out of these crimes, end up being disowned simply because of the social stigma attached to it. The statistics of these kinds of innocent lives being thrown away is staggering. These again are grounds for new kind of crises, millions on homeless children who grow up as a community, stripped and devoid of any love, nurturing or compassion, provided these little ones survive such abandonment.

The question that comes to my mind is- What happens when these innocent and traumatised little lives become a nation? What about all those mothers who suffer not just the loss of their children, but so much more. What about the mental health crisis of the scores of women who have not just lost everything, but know no way out and have no support? They may have lost all hope and faith in tomorrow. For some lightning strikes twice and sometimes more than twice. It is a wonder they are even able to function.

A recent trip to a water park brought a lot into perspective. I realized we are so blessed, at least I felt I am. While I enjoyed watching my dear ones playing in the many pools and rides, so carefree, I also happen to watch the many other women who were cherishing every moment in the sun and water. The park looked so beautiful spotted in various colours and felt like such a wonderful place, with the sounds and squeals of laughter. The women looked so beautiful in their bikinis and the young ones, so precious in their little outfits and giggles. The mothers wore a look of contentment and adorned the joy of having their loved ones and young ones all around, safe and happy. The men who were around did more than enjoy. They played and protected. They enjoyed and respected. They took good care of those entrusted to them. The only weapons they had were their wallets and perhaps their charm( though that failed to fire at times!). But they were there- because they respected life.

All this a far cry from a land filled with the cries of women, children and innocent men. I enjoy a day in the sun, while the woman in Darfur dreads the sun, for fear of collapsing under it or worse to get raped while on her way to get water. I enjoyed the company of my husband at the pool, while she hasn’t seen hers in days or worse perhaps saw him getting murdered. I enjoyed the squeals of laughter my little one made, while hers, wailed over a pool of shattered dreams. I enjoy life while she merely exists and she does not know why.